It is unbelievable, but 8 months have
passed... People think 8 months is a long time, and by now we should
be fine and dandy with what happened. Most people don't even know
what has been going on in our lives ever since that awful night in
which we lost our most precious... What sums up all events? Well...
The worst moment in our life stays forever in our minds and is
engraved in our souls, since then nothing is the same, and our lives
are not getting better anytime soon. We cannot get over the
unfairness of our Deedee's passing... and we are appalled at the lack
of empathy from our closest friends and so-called family.
Facing distress as we have, and still
moving towards the idea of at least some peace for our other
daughter's sake is a daunting task. Our worst moment was loosing
Dee... no recovery from that is possible. We hope for some patches of
silence, and not even that is granted. Our little family keeps on
being together... Kali, daddy, mommy, and angel Deedee... but our
quest for finding our place in this world is very taxing, very
unnerving, very restless. We lost more than our daughter, we lost our
home and our core. We lost many material things that cannot be
replaced because we don't have the means to do so. We cannot stand on
our own for lack of money, lack of a proper job, lack of a roof, lack
of real support, lack of channels to make the change we need.
In 8 months we improvised a funeral, we
moved to Puerto Rico, we cleaned up and made better Auntie's home, we
could not get a job, we decided to try our chances in Florida as
there was nothing to loose... Acquaintances gave some help, but loose
faith on us thinking we were doing nothing when in fact we were
looking for jobs and help all the time... All the time... We've had
no rest. We had no rest back in New Jersey for five years, and we've
had no rest all this time here in Florida. In the end we've witnessed
the difference between what people seem to be and what they really
are. In the end the disappointment has been overwhelming, especially
when we know how we have been all our lives, always willing to
service others, always going above and beyond our call of duty... We
really did not deserve all this. Deedee's passing was the punch that
threw us on the ground, and all other events are the kicks and
punches that keep us from standing up. We understand now the true
meaning of “only the good die young”. New Jersey was unkind but
spoke the truth to our face. Florida has been the unkind experience
hidden in a nice colorful wrapping...
On top of it all lies the constant
absence of our little diva. Going over pictures we see there was no
sane reason for her to want to go... She thrived. She was alive and
making her dreams come true. Her innocence kept her from letting
things get to her... She always wondered, she always wanted more, she
always was a delight... Her sassy bossiness amused us, and foretold
her leadership... She was meant to do big things... Watching the
video of her funeral, listening to the priest from New Jersey, set
one fact straight: The biggest task she would achieve started when
she went with God.
Deedee, a little girl that brought
together so many people from all over the world... She was a living
lesson of the power of love and living proof of all the things girls
could do. She dreamed big, and lived her dreams. So much to learn
from our diva... so much she keeps inspiring on us... so much we miss
her... Gone too soon. Nothing brings the joy that we felt when
loosing ourselves into those big "smizing" eyes. Deedee... Please make things
right from up above... You are always within our hearts. You are always missed.
Mommy
