Last week, in Tuesday 24th, a thief decided to break into our home. We don't have much... most of all we have have been donated to us. We had nothing so precious for anyone else... The thief took our laptops, a router, our camera and our external hard disk... Simple enough. Nothing else to steal, we are not really interested in owning material things. Our home is filled with toys and pictures... We rather make memories than just sit still... We are lucky that we were not at home at the time, and we keep counting our blessings. Just one thing bothers so much: Loosing the external hard disk.
That little piece of metal and circuits is old. It is by no means fancy. It is by no means cutting edge. But it holds the 5 years of our Diva... Videos and pictures, documenting her illness and all we did for her... so she would have quality of life... Those videos are priceless. Yes, I posted some in YouTube... not even a third of all I had.
The videos that I accrued had a double purpose: Documenting a terminal illness, and demonstrating life can happen and can be beautiful even if you have something like Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I had documented all about Deirdre. I was working on a web site that would show all, year by year... both honoring her and granting information for other families around the world. I had many things that were unedited and many things waiting for finishing touches. There were plans... there were dreams... I hold each and every memory very much engraved in my heart, but loosing all this treasure has been like unearthing our Diva again and re-living loosing her. It is all a different experience... but it is a loss that cannot be described by human words.
Pictures and videos often say what you can't. I cannot fathom why would anyone do such a thing (although I am very aware that there is plenty of malice all around us) breaking in and actually seeing there is nothing else in the place... Our home is filled with walls depicting Deedee. Whoever went in had Deedee's eyes piercing him/her/them. No one has returned our precious vault, but I do know that somehow some kind of justice must come in the end. Deedee's eyes immerse you in love, and I know that their fury is equally powerful. How dare anyone break into our temple and defile it in such a way? Oh, their lives will be hexed. I am positive that karma will not give them peace until all is restored.
In the meantime... Here we are... going on with the show... putting up a good face and smiling. Our hearts ripped in pieces. Not that anyone really cares. We keep on being surprised by the humans around us... How little we matter to all whom we love so much... We live on being forgotten by all who pledged alliance and unconditional presence. But we go on.
Deedee. I am so sorry this happened. I meant to do so much for you, and this is how I fail you. Now I must start over and try to gather meager pieces... so you are not forgotten. I am sorry, love. I'll do my best to make it up to you. I just hate it will take some more time... I don't understand why so many unfortunate events keep haunting us. I don't understand why something pure and simple must get complicated. I don't understand why so many trials... Why must we get things the hard way? Why we had to loose you...
Guide us, Dee... We are heartbroken, and tired... Keep on looking over us. And tell your Boss to try taking it a bit gentler on us. I know God has a higher purpose, but we really REALLY need a break. How can we do what we are meant to do if we keep on being pushed to the ground by life? We keep standing up... We keep fighting for the good cause... Can we at least have a moment to rest? Just a moment...