What will never be

I know, it is obvious and quite sad... so many things hits us in the face with its innocent cruelty... I just saw one of the most beautiful things... a video of a father and a daughter dancing, the Quinceanera dance. Loved it. It is a Hispanic tradition that even I did when I was 15... This time, it hit me hard in my heart... I just realized I will never see Deedee dancing with her daddy when turning 15 years old... Why something so simple made me cry so much... Why something that even I considered a bit idiotic and silly at the time... I remember I did not want to celebrate mine. I remember I just thought I could use the money for other things... It was not as important... It meant nothing special for me... And now, I saw this and I think of Deedee and everything that won't be... A first dance, a first competition of Spelling Bee, a first Communion, a first Scientific Fair competition, a first poetry competition, a first art's competition, a first day in High School, her graduation, her first kiss... so many firsts that just won't be. All this time I've been stuck being sad about her not being here, about not being able to enjoy her sassy presence... and today this video hits me hard... makes me think of things I did not think before... a future that won't be... the memories stolen before they happened... I am so heartbroken... A dance that will never be...

How I miss you, Dee... You made life so much better... How sad is each day... You were my sunflower field... You were my inspiration... and my hero. I miss you...