Monday, October 31, 2011
This year I am channeling Pocahontas, from my head to my toes. Halloween has been great this year! I've got some treats and I didn't have to go out in the snow! Oh yes, there is snow... There was a snow storm two days ago... The gods must be crazy, huh? Anyway, my teacher got me these awesome glow in the dark thinguies and a spooky ghost! Way cool! And my PT got me some Tink and Ariel stuff as gifts. I am having a blast! And as you can see, I am all dressed up as one of the most far-out princesses. Pocahontas is the best! I love her so! And I hear rumors that maybe Daddy will also play chief of the tribe latter on! We'll see what Mommy comes up with for her and the Tiny Terror... It's all about surprises!
These past days have been spooky. I guess we are all into the Halloween vibe... Not! Well, I've been okay, doing what I do... I discovered this video game on Internet and I am so hooked on it! It's called Turtle Crossing, and I have to make a tribal guy cross a river by jumping into turtles... I love it. I've been using my proximity switch to play it, and there has been no frustrations whatsoever (well, a bit while I find the right position but then it is all well). So now I have a balance between movies and games. There are other games, but nothing compare to the tribal guy... I go nuts for the music.
Well, besides that positive fact, the days have been spooky as I've been without my day nurse for the whole past week. No word whatsoever about what's been going on... It just seems that whenever I get attached to someone they vanish. And it seems only Mommy and Daddy and the Tiny Terror are the people immune to that spell. I never get answers, it is just what happens. And it sucks. Plain and simple, it sucks. It is very early in my life to actually try to connect the dots and understand the reasons... Really, too early. I don't understand. I keep getting hurt. People just vanish and don't think at all about how I feel. People don't even say a proper goodbye. I don't even know is it me... Why the people that makes such a big difference in my life are the ones that suddenly go away without a trace?
I am sad. I miss the people I love. Life has never been easy for me... But I know I will go on. Life goes on. There is good, and there is bad... People come in and teach lessons. They think too fast or move too fast and they do not see the important things in life... People no longer take the time to make a real friend. They trust everything that they can touch and that brings them what they want... yet they forget that what they need is mostly invisible to the eyes. I see what is wrong... I see hearts that are damaged, and need much love to recover. But they don't let themselves be healed. I see all this and it makes me sad...
I may not know much, but I know that there is something about the Golden rule that is very true as well as there is something about love and kindness that is priceless. People are fast to live life and judge and make big deals out of nothing... I look into people's eyes and I see enduring pain. I am laying in a bed, unable to move... yet I am free. When I look into people's eyes I see frozen lives, frozen hearts. It is sad. It makes me sad... I reach out but they never see me... And they keep going away.
I go deep into my thoughts, and I find peace. I don't have much, and for many people I don't do much... but I have a high regard of myself. I try to live every day following the Golden rule. I try to make my parents smile, as well as I try to make my teacher smile... my therapists... even my kitty. I hope that I also make God smile.
I am blessed. I am loved by my family and my friends. I know that somehow I make a difference and I will not be forgotten. It hurts whenever someone I love goes away, but I know that somehow I changed them forever. If little me can be a fighter and smile, so can they. That may be the gift that I give them.
So... The past days have been all about me: My feelings, my education, my assistive devices, my needs, my wants, my people, my services... Mommy and Daddy make such big fusses about everything. Life is so simple: Just love. Without expiration dates. Make someone happy... and then you will be happy too.
God: Take good care of everyone that has known me. Keep them close to Your heart and protect them always. Keep on blessing me and my family. Thank you for the few good people who never give up when it comes to me. I am deeply grateful, and always humbled. Please look out for Brianna, MJ, Tabs, Lucy, Ally and Mary, and so many other kids that are sick or have gone under the knife. Grant them health. Carry them in Your arms. Amen.
Posted by Vierna at 11:33 AM