Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Just a Kiss and a Smile

It so happens that after much nights and days without answers and without dreams I finally get to see and feel the most wonderful thing in life: Deedee's smile. She not only smiled, but she talked, and she moved her arms to place them around me... And you see, this is just more than I expected by now.

I've been asking for just one dream, as a sign that everything is alright. Every day I wake up disappointed at the fact that no answer would come, and every night I would go to sleep thinking of her... asking for an answer... I just got up, living my answer. I am breathless. My heart is pounding with such strength, and although all I can do is cry and I just hate that I cannot do what I set out to do... I feel much gratitude and thanks for finally, after 6 months and 2 days, I get to know my beloved Deedee is fine... and happy... and not alone.

I dream that I was running late for a class, and I was arguing about that at home (oddly enough, I was at my aunt's house). As I was going to get out, I just said out loud very frustrated: “Just forget about all this, I must go and see how she is. I can't stand not taking care of her. I just hate all this... no one else can suction her right, no one else knows what she wants... I cannot do this this way. I must go see her!”. I got in my car, and drove down the road.

There is a corner house with a garden that I've always liked... second right when you get to the suburb where my aunt lives. Well, this house had a peculiar owner in my dream. I arrived calling out for her, an old lady that I know well. She seemed to have been waiting for my arrival. I frantically called out for her, but she was already out and had opened her gate. This lady was very dear to my sister, I called her Doña Isabel. She was my sister's guardian for so many years... And she was all about caring so much for everyone...

Anyway, Doña Isabel was waiting for me. She smiled. I was surprised at her being there but did not put much thought into it. “Where's the nurse? Where is her? That's it. I've come to take her. This just doesn't work for me. I need her in my house... I hate leaving her here so a nurse cares for her”... She let me pass, by patted my back saying “Not just a nurse”.

As I went inside I just saw Deedee, and she was in a recliner. Her head seemed bobbed to a side, she seemed to be sleeping. Instantly I went to her, to fix her head. I was so upset her head was like that, it was not right to keep her away open... and then I realized she had no mask. She opened her eyes and look straight into my eyes. I was stunned, as she moved her head so she was straight. She giggled and then she smiled... She smiled as she used to smile when she saw her Wonderpets. She smiled as she smiled back when she was just a baby... And although I couldn't understand well what she said, she spoke. She lifted her arms to hold me, and was so happy to see me. We just shared a long embrace, and I just heard her whisper: “I knew you would come”. I see at her left the shape of a nurse... a shape, I could not recognize who it was. At her right, there was Doña Isabel, who placed her hand over Deedee's shoulder. And she just said”You see she is well?”. I nodded, looking at Deedee, puzzled. “But, look at you... You are talking! And moving! How did you did this? How? You are coming with mommy. We won't be separated again. You are coming with mommy”.

I felt shaken... I feel like crying endless tears... Her smile, my final answer. There is no better way to start a day!

I looked around, still feeling empowered by the decision to pick her up and take her home. But as I looked around I realized... she was not there. I was not even in what was my home... Reality settled in. It was a dream. It was a beautiful dream. Last night I did not ask God for a sign or a dream... I just told Him please take care of my little one... let her know I love her”. Guess what? He did.

I love you Deedee. Always together. Always one.

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