Saturday, June 22, 2013

8 Months Without a Diva

It is unbelievable, but 8 months have passed... People think 8 months is a long time, and by now we should be fine and dandy with what happened. Most people don't even know what has been going on in our lives ever since that awful night in which we lost our most precious... What sums up all events? Well... The worst moment in our life stays forever in our minds and is engraved in our souls, since then nothing is the same, and our lives are not getting better anytime soon. We cannot get over the unfairness of our Deedee's passing... and we are appalled at the lack of empathy from our closest friends and so-called family.

Facing distress as we have, and still moving towards the idea of at least some peace for our other daughter's sake is a daunting task. Our worst moment was loosing Dee... no recovery from that is possible. We hope for some patches of silence, and not even that is granted. Our little family keeps on being together... Kali, daddy, mommy, and angel Deedee... but our quest for finding our place in this world is very taxing, very unnerving, very restless. We lost more than our daughter, we lost our home and our core. We lost many material things that cannot be replaced because we don't have the means to do so. We cannot stand on our own for lack of money, lack of a proper job, lack of a roof, lack of real support, lack of channels to make the change we need.

In 8 months we improvised a funeral, we moved to Puerto Rico, we cleaned up and made better Auntie's home, we could not get a job, we decided to try our chances in Florida as there was nothing to loose... Acquaintances gave some help, but loose faith on us thinking we were doing nothing when in fact we were looking for jobs and help all the time... All the time... We've had no rest. We had no rest back in New Jersey for five years, and we've had no rest all this time here in Florida. In the end we've witnessed the difference between what people seem to be and what they really are. In the end the disappointment has been overwhelming, especially when we know how we have been all our lives, always willing to service others, always going above and beyond our call of duty... We really did not deserve all this. Deedee's passing was the punch that threw us on the ground, and all other events are the kicks and punches that keep us from standing up. We understand now the true meaning of “only the good die young”. New Jersey was unkind but spoke the truth to our face. Florida has been the unkind experience hidden in a nice colorful wrapping...

On top of it all lies the constant absence of our little diva. Going over pictures we see there was no sane reason for her to want to go... She thrived. She was alive and making her dreams come true. Her innocence kept her from letting things get to her... She always wondered, she always wanted more, she always was a delight... Her sassy bossiness amused us, and foretold her leadership... She was meant to do big things... Watching the video of her funeral, listening to the priest from New Jersey, set one fact straight: The biggest task she would achieve started when she went with God.

Deedee, a little girl that brought together so many people from all over the world... She was a living lesson of the power of love and living proof of all the things girls could do. She dreamed big, and lived her dreams. So much to learn from our diva... so much she keeps inspiring on us... so much we miss her... Gone too soon. Nothing brings the joy that we felt when loosing ourselves into those big "smizing" eyes. Deedee... Please make things right from up above... You are always within our hearts. You are always missed.