Monday, August 19, 2019

Saturday, August 17, 2019


Dear Deedee:
Don't you ever think that we have forgotten you... You know very well that's not the case. We talk to you constantly, every day. Your sister always wishes for you, and I am certain she feels you very present in her heart. She sometimes get mad because you are not here with her, and she feels lonely... Well, it is up to you to let her know that she is never alone, and that you cover her with your lovely angel wings whenever she gets in trouble. We know you watch over her. We know you do so many little miracles for her... We know how you pamper her. Forgive her. Like us, she gets crossed because she cannot give you a big hug. Knowing doesn't ever agree with the heart...

Days are going so fast that I barely have time to catch my breath, or think about anything at all. I'm in the race, focused on making one dream come true so things fall into place. We are still misplaced, and you know it. You must get amused whenever we go crazy with our routines... You remember when I stayed up all night so many nights at the hospital, doing those webdesign projects? Nurses thought I was razy. You knew better. You slept soundly because you knew I was watching over you. That was my excuse to do so. I did my best to keep you safe... I hate that it was not enough.

So... I am studying. Sleeplessness has come back. Your sister was puzzled at why I had to study. She was baffled that me being "so old" was back in school. Well, one thing is certain, she is getting some modeling about being responsible and doing homework. Her reading has become flawless. She is into Harry Potter these days, and read the first 3 books quite fast. Now she's into the audiobooks... I wonder if you would have become a Potterhead too... Since you liked adventure and fantasy I'm inclined to think so. You were a tough cookie, but your mind was always flying into world of adventure and magic and songs. You would be into things like "Harry Potter: The musical". You were quite in deep with music... The soundtrack of your life is quite varied... and beautiful. A mix of metal and pop. Sugar and spice.

This summer was much bittersweet... I thought camp would be good for your sister, like it was with you... What you experiences in the Camp at the Newark Museum and that weekend at Camp Pontiac was amazing and powerful. You were surrounded by love, and experienced how love works. Kali is far from experiencing that... You know she has some issues... even if she's very bright and caring, she's been facing a mean world. Camp was ok for her, but she didn't really want to go because the people were keeping her apart. she felt so lonely... It broke my heart to listen to her. I did not expect what I heard. And on top of that, she cries and asks why you couldn't be here with her.

What can I say? What can I do? I miss you the same. I encourage her to look for you in everything that she do. Last week we went to Sea World. As we walked towards the entrance a butterfly fluttered around her, and then followed us for a while. When she saw it she immediately light up and exclaimed: "Deedee is with us". You know it. You always see this. I bet you smile being proud of her and of how she keeps you present. When we passed by Sesame Street, I had this knot in my throat... The little waterpark brought back so many memories of the Sesame Place... Remember how we covered everything in your wheelchair with plastic bags, and daddy just rolled you into all the sprinklers and streams? You had such a blast! You loved every second. Being there near the water sprinklers made me cry. Bittersweet memories... A perfect moment in time... We were surrounded by you. Yes, I know. You made your presence real strong last Sunday. Your birthday gift to us. "Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away... On my way to where the air is sweet".

Remember this?

Bush Gardens, VA

Sesame Place, PA

Sesame Place, PA

We miss you so much...

Visit often, my love. We all need to have you around, even if just in spirit. Your sister needs you. Daddy needs you. I need you.

Hopefully we'll look at the starsand find the peace that only your eyes could give me.

Happy 12th birthday, my precious diva.

Love... Always.