Friday. What an awful day… The electrician did not appear and the two people who were supposed to help me clean the house did not show up their noses, or call to let me know they wouldn’t/couldn’t go. How surprising… I was too sad and edgy and frustrated to do anything… So, I ended up having an unreasonable heated argument with the mage, then shutting off completely only to wake up at 2am realizing I recalled nothing on the past hours and I had not even changed or taken a bath… Too exhausted. Too depressed… And feeling that things were to crumble anyway… Boy, and I knew nothing…
Saturday morning... The beginning of very… interesting (to say the least and keep this PG) day… The morning began with me flipping about everything… Second heavy argument with the mage. So much stress and pressure from so many things have been too bottled up within me... The lack of communication and shadyness about the baby shower did not help either. It is now that I realize that no one really takes into consideration how/what I may be feeling about things... Just because I am strong it doesn't mean I have no emotions... My best friends take that for granted all the time. After all, I am such a bitch...
Anyway... Considering the odds, I still kept part of my mind focused on simply cleaning what I could, and try to make things bearable. The infamous Baby Shower would happen in my so called home, dear RoseRed, and at the last minute no one showed up to help (contrary to what was scheduled or promised… para variar). But, fine… I’m Aries, I push throug anything closing my eyes and ramming with my horny head…
Morning passed away, and no one from the Baby Shower Crew called. In the afternoon, the sound of woes echoed at my door as LightShadow and Groundel arrived… That meant that whatever was to happen, would happen in a few minutes since the Baby Shower had been scheduled to begin at 2pm… They brought in a small set of small pirate bags, the lovely party favors. Well, eight bags full of goodies… Things looked up, they expected eight people to arrive. Cool. I can deal with a simply friendly gathering...
Groundel was quite pissed at his not being able to finish the drawings/posters he had been working on during the week due to lack of paint. He put them in the table, and well… Ot was a shame he couldn’t complete them. They were perfect. I loved the Pirate Chococat. And Keroppi would have been cute… Hope he finishes later on… I do have paint with the colors he needed… (But since it all was to be such a big surprise, I was not bothered/asked about that… no comments).
So… LightShadow went to show me the invitation that was done for the big event. Very cute, very professionally done. Damn, it looked as if it had been bought! She once again had showed off her graphic arts skills… A shame the effort ended up as a big waste. I don’t know if they actually changed the address in the ones they gave to people… or what happened about the place at all.
As a matter of fact, the place could have been funded by the mage and me IF we had been informed/asked about it. The price was $125, and that was quite bearable… And the priest of the church nearby knows the person in charge (not to mention that the guy lives nearby too…) So I don’t get why the place blew out as no attainable or no affordable…
But as someone stated somewhere, shit happens. And the crew decided to follow the original idea of doing things in my lovely RoseRed… And went on with ideas and plans that were not to be mentioned to me… More than two months of accurate, top secret planning… So secret that they hid information from themselves it seems… Beware when a ship has 3 captains… Egos may collide and cause it to flunk.
So, I kept cleaning a bit more, decided to take a bath and then sat in the so-called living room pondering why in blazes Coriolis and Raven had not arrived by 3:00pm. I knew in the back of my head the bird of doom kept flying in circles, ready to eat the carrion. The mage took a bath, and as I mentioned a “how strange that Coriolis has not arrived”, LightShadow looked at me with big eyes as she said “You mean you don’t know?”. Oh… I was trying to keep my cool but really… when reality slaps you in an unpolite way you either slap back or just go away. My hopes for at least a small thing went down the drain (yes, until that moment I had the hope that perhaps this time a miracle will happen and I would actually be able to have an activity even if small and cozy… My 15 years celebration was crap, my 2 graduations were not acknowledged… my marriage could not have a reception… So I expected something as simple as a baby shower to go well… What a fool I am!).
I asked if they had called the people to let them know that there would be no gathering… They began but didn’t finish. When I say people it basically meant my co-workers as within the last week I was struck by lightning and the fact that my family & acquaintances as well as the mages family and acquaintances had not been informed of the activity. Only the list of co-workers had received invitations…
Is it me, or is there no common sense involved in this fact? Because for all I know, it is family and the close ones who get the expensive stuff that you need… not co-workers. Plus, if a gathering is about celebrating an addition to the family… there should be family in the gathering… Well… Maybe I’m wrong. Total strangers should be the first in line to be contacted and to visit your house…
As the mage took a bath and Groundel & LightShadow played "briscas" on the stairway, one of the mage’s friends appeared. He stayed for a bit, the mage told him what was not going on and so he left (he had to, anyway, the guy had been working during the morning and was quite exhausted). As I approached the stairs I announced the elf and the half-org that we would leave. I just wanted to get out of the house. I was too pissed and sad and disappointed to stay there any longer. I had heard Groundel talking on the cel but didn’t mind it much as he used an even tone…
So, the mage and I closed the house and as I was looking for my keys, Raven appeared. It was after 4pm… She came in with something, didn’t even say hello, put something in the fridge… Her hubby went after her, carrying gift baskets that he placed on the counter… Then they turned to leave… No words, just a plain smile that did much to enrage me. My first thought was WTF? Now you appear? The party started at 2pm, and you were the one in charge of organizing… even if nothing was to happen, the least you could have done was arrive on time or at least call.
I tried breathing in and out, and simply asked “what happened?”. She just answered something with 3 to 4 words and kept going… to the car and off the place. As simple and as fast as that… I guess that it was all part of following the secrecy of the plans…
As the mage closed the house, a car arrived. Cook had come with her kids to deliver a present. She mentioned that she just called Lulu and had just been informed the shower’s date had been changed. But she wanted to deliver the present anyway… So she did, and then left. As I was to get in the car LightShadow asked what I was going to do… Well… Eat something as I have had no lunch, and see a movie. So she followed to the chicken place, Groundel being her co-pilot. As we finished eating, she had to go, as well as the half-orc, so the party was divided. I tried reaching Coriolis 3 times, no answer. I figured he must have been pissed and so he had disconnected his cel… Wouldn’t be the first time he does so…
So… In the end it is just the mage and me… As it all started… We saw Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix, then went to see auntie to tell her that no, there was no party and that it was pretty stupid of her to think she is a nuisance to me… And then we went home. RoseRed looked quite pleased… She had the chaos of the month in just 24 hours, and she loved it. At least someone was happy about it all… Yeah, a house…
As we got there, I went to the counter that had the basket and bags of baby clothing… and the 8 bags of party favors. I took one of the favor bags to open the small scroll of games, and to take the coins out. I just thought “Well, following my tradition of celebrations that cannot or must not be… Welcome home, Deirdre. This is my life. And that‘s why I named you after the Lady of Sorrows’ legend… Welcome to my world”.
I cried for a long while. I guess no one understood anything of how important this was for me… I let go of directing the ship knowing that it would all go to hell… but did so because I believed in my close friends… because I trusted they could do amazing things together… I even trusted the one who arrived 1 ½ hours late for my wedding… Well… in a life filled with only big disappointments, it is all right. I knew what would happen. I got what I deserved.
10-4
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